A Hemingway Joke

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For sale, Baby shoe, found & used.
Tachikawa 2017

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How to make the music

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  1. Don’t have any deskspace, occupy it all with instruments and wank rags to clean up the mess for cases where you hit the perfect chord.
  2. Run the DAW of your choice, in this case, the evaluation version of REAPER.
  3. Record everything you do.
  4. Save early and save often (Sierra says!)
  5. Upload to soundcloud Click here you peeps we’re making music now.

What do I talk about when I talk about baseball

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Chiba Lotte Marines have a new mascot and it’s called Fish (or 魚、さかな, Sakana, looks like an anglerfish). It’s ridiculous, it just runs around and sometimes the guy falls out of the costume revealing the spooky skeleton inside. Also Tsubakuro (a swallow, not a penguin), the mascot of the Swallows, tries to pull the skeleton out once more.

Baseball is fun to watch. Slow pace means you can just chill out with your friends and talk about whatever, you can take a piss and not miss anything. The ball game is just a great time to relax in the sun. Of course when you get a place in the foul zone, then you gotta keep your eyes on the game cuz you are gonna get hit with those damn balls. Especially when Mejia from Seibu Lions is batting. Man, when he makes a foul ball it first flies like 60 meters up in the sky and plummets straight to the ground like a meteorite!

Plus the teams have fun songs to sing along to, fans bang their drums and blow their trumpets. If you go to see a Hanshin Tigers game, then you’ll see 3 old men always dancing in the back of the fan zone. Baseball is a very social game here in Japan, but right now it seems people prefer watching soccer instead. Man, soccer sucks though. Running from one end to another chasing some ball like bunch of dweebs, who gives a shit? Baseball, now that’s a man’s game! you got a dude throwing a ball and another dude hitting it, then they run after the ball as the other team runs from one base to another. Real exciting stuff, you see.

Finally you can also go to batting centers in Japan, and that stuff can cut through stress like hot knife through butter. When I was unemployed for two months and had my mother-in-law go hysterical on me, then I went to a batting center and I felt reborn again. Just you and the ball coming your way and you swing your mighty iron bat at the ball. Feels good, man.

 

Please Don’t Do The Groping in Japan #4

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So JR East has come out with the new poster for the anti-groping campaign complete with a video that runs in the stations (at least in Shinjuku station) and in trains.

I really like the composition of this one, as the girl miffedly says that there’s a groper bothering her and she takes like half the poster space. Powerful pose. The woman cop is ready to kick some ass and the passengers say the same stuff like the rest of the posters. Afro guy says “What, a groper?!” and the girl says “I won’t forgive!”
I like the man’s hysterical reaction though – “IT’S A CRIMINAL!!!”

Now the perspective itself leaves a question – the guy asks the girl what’s wrong and she looks over her shoulder and exclaims that there’s a pervert groping her. Now how could the guy see the girl’s pained expression and completely not notice the sleazebag grabbing her ass?

Please don’t grope in Japan! Allegedly people can’t even park their bikes sometimes without somebody grabbing their asses or take a walk in the park in residential areas. IDK I’d blame lack of sex ed, lack of social skill teaching and ridiculous Japanese porn/anime-starring-middle-schoolers for this problem.

Jindai Botanical Garden in Mitaka, it’s HUGE!! Also there’s a samurai village downhill.

Before we begin our lighthearted entertainment content, we have to talk about abusing science for profit. These people, all these “mystics” and salt-blowers and anti-vaxxers, they aren’t trying to align your chakras or save your precious little soul from damnation. No, dear reader, the only thing they are saving you is from the burden of your hard-earned money!

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That’s right. You are reading it right – the molecules of this rose water (that I bought in the Jindai botanical gardens) have been sized down. Let me repeat once again: the H2O molecules have been sized down by the power of science. What a feat! Surely these people have mastered quantum physics so we could enjoy sized down water for reasons!

Or they just wrote whatever the fuck they wanted so people would lap it all up. This anti-intellectual trend combined with realpolitik is really driving us downhill and will spell the doom to us all. Look at Trump, the world’s lowest hanging fruit and butt of all jokes these days, this is the guy who has mastered the art of the deal, and while this might work for real estate and whatever, this sure as hell won’t work for actual countries. This is the sort of guy who would take money now even if it would kill him. Pull out of the climate agreement, no problem at all! Estonian politicians as well – fucking cut down ALL the trees will ya and blow dirt into our eyes that we’re actually being green by having 25% of the trees under protection. What about wild-life, huh?? You think all these moose and bears will go silently from the old forest into insuitable young sapling forest? Grr, makes me so mad!! Anyway, the botanical gardens are huge, many beautiful things and next to it is the Jindai-ji temple with the surrounding samurai village. It’s just freaking awesome.

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These nasty little buggers are quite gross ´yet alluring as well.IMG_20170528_140559

The samurai village had GeGeGe Kitaro official fan shop!! Real cool stuff.

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This guy shared ariheito, which he repeated that this candy was first tasted by Oda Nobunaga, the famous warlord and first shogun of Japan. He also said don’t mess with ariheito (舐めんないで!) all the time, so don’t fuck with this candy all right. P1200198.JPG

And this is the village itself. It spas about 300 meters in all directions, so it’s a bit small, but a great extra for your botanical garden trip.

Surf City, here we come……

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6 AM on a Monday in Shinjuku Station
May 2017

Monday mornings are brutal. Some people haven’t even sobered up yet by the time they get to the station. It’s just minutes before 6 and you can find these peeps just having the best time of their lives.  But you know I can’t stay around for much longer, because I have a work to go to.

My work is actually pretty good. My colleagues help me out and my Japanese is getting better every day.  My bosses are hard on me, but you know, at this line of work, perfection is what we have to strive for. I’m finally getting on with the pace, but if things get fast around here (and they will, as it seems the economy is going up), man, I’m gonna be running from one place to another.

Would I rather be making hit songs for the radio instead? Hell yeah, but all in due time, my man. First we get good at work, get our Japanese levels up to JLPT N2 so we can function like a normal person. Finally we gotta actually learn how to produce hit songs.

But this new toy I got, the Roland JD-XI, man. Some people say abloo-bloo, this machine sucks, but man once you put it into analog synth mode and press some buttons. It sure as hell rattles some bones, lemme tell ya what.