Make Busy Work

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You know people die from overwork in Japan? Well, I found the reason for that. In order to keep unemployment down, they will hire a dude to do one thing and one thing only. When there is construction work of any kind, there’s always one dude whose job is to bow to every single person who comes by and apologize for the inconvenience. Then there’s the dude with the lightsaber to guide people across the road DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE SIGNAL IS WORKING. Then you finally have the guy who is actually doing the damn job. This picture all of them on the same picture.

What a country!!

How to make the music

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  1. Don’t have any deskspace, occupy it all with instruments and wank rags to clean up the mess for cases where you hit the perfect chord.
  2. Run the DAW of your choice, in this case, the evaluation version of REAPER.
  3. Record everything you do.
  4. Save early and save often (Sierra says!)
  5. Upload to soundcloud Click here you peeps we’re making music now.

Estonia and Japan

Tomorrow’s 23rd of June, the Victory Day for Estonia.  It was 99 years ago during the War of Independence when Estonians and Latvians defeated the German Landeswehr. This day is celebrated with a military parade in the day with our dear president Kersti Kaljulaid saluting each and every military branch. Well, that’s so much about the military history. Most of Estonians are actually waiting for the night to come, as the next day is Jaanipäev, the summer solstice, and that’s celebrated with lighting a bonfire, staying up all night (which is really easy as it’s literally 4 hours long) and copious amounts of grilling and drinking.

You’d think if it’s 23rd of June, then the night would be nice, warm, and dry. But unfortunately, it seems that this year too it will be rainy and it’ll dip all the way to 7 degrees Celsius in the night, so better make that bonfire a big one.

Times like these make me wanna be in Estonia, you know? I miss being in the cold and in the rain and with my friends. I am doing the exact same crap I usually did back in Estonia too – go to work, come back and play something. Well, now that I am living with my wife, then I actually do go outside every once and a while and have fun. Plus I got like  ridiculous amounts of money every month even though I’m making a bit better than the minimum. Plus me and my wife are really frugal, so instead of buying dumb shit all the time, we save loads of money and then spend it all doing dumb shit together, like trying to win a hand spinner from an UFO catcher. Which we finally did, by the way!

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This is what peak performance looks like, fellas.

I mean, it’s fucking great to finally not worry about money. They say money can’t buy you happiness, but that’s absolute nonsense. I like how everybody’s so orderly and how they value teamwork and co-operation over the individual. My mother-in-law said all this law and order is all superficial and they’d be ready to stab you in the back the moment you let your guard down. But let me tell you, I’d have a thin ice of civilization over the deep sea of chaos rather than dipping your toes into the water all the time as a reminder.

I think I can do way better in Japan once I get some N-level (N1 or N2) credentials. I can do way better once I get some friends as well. It’s just like my co-worker and mad scientist genius said about emigrating: “If you just go somewhere and come back, you’ll soon realize people are all the same everywhere. If you wanna go to Japan and live there,  make yourself a part of the community rather than getting into work-home-work cycle. Become an even better Japanese than the Japanese themselves.”

I think he’s got the right idea. It’s too bad that I got this shift-work job that I can’t really make plans too much ahead or make even a week-to-week commitment. But I do have this great little synthesizer and an internet connection, so I really looking forward to making a band or at least find some peeps to make music together here in Tokyo.

Ah, shit I forgot I was supposed to write a little bit more about the Estonians and Japanese. Anyway, my big idea is that Estonians and Japanese share the same genealogical and cultural heritage, as it’s super easy for Estonians to assimilate into the Japanese culture. Our languages have the same pronunciation, we are both hella seclusive with isolationist tendencies and we both go into this autistic frenzy when things are done in the way that they aren’t supposed to be. Plus we both can enjoy a good dose of poop jokes (christ allmighty I think I can write like a 2000-word feature article about poop jokes after a year of living in Japan. Seriously, it’s the biggest source of humor over here. If you ever wanna make a Japanese laugh, just make some fart and shitting noises and watch them crack right up. Go like “buri-buri-buri” and you’ll be their best friend forever.)

Anyway, it’s great over here, but now it’s time for something more. More cash, more wisdom, more glitz and glamour.

What do I talk about when I talk about baseball

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Chiba Lotte Marines have a new mascot and it’s called Fish (or 魚、さかな, Sakana, looks like an anglerfish). It’s ridiculous, it just runs around and sometimes the guy falls out of the costume revealing the spooky skeleton inside. Also Tsubakuro (a swallow, not a penguin), the mascot of the Swallows, tries to pull the skeleton out once more.

Baseball is fun to watch. Slow pace means you can just chill out with your friends and talk about whatever, you can take a piss and not miss anything. The ball game is just a great time to relax in the sun. Of course when you get a place in the foul zone, then you gotta keep your eyes on the game cuz you are gonna get hit with those damn balls. Especially when Mejia from Seibu Lions is batting. Man, when he makes a foul ball it first flies like 60 meters up in the sky and plummets straight to the ground like a meteorite!

Plus the teams have fun songs to sing along to, fans bang their drums and blow their trumpets. If you go to see a Hanshin Tigers game, then you’ll see 3 old men always dancing in the back of the fan zone. Baseball is a very social game here in Japan, but right now it seems people prefer watching soccer instead. Man, soccer sucks though. Running from one end to another chasing some ball like bunch of dweebs, who gives a shit? Baseball, now that’s a man’s game! you got a dude throwing a ball and another dude hitting it, then they run after the ball as the other team runs from one base to another. Real exciting stuff, you see.

Finally you can also go to batting centers in Japan, and that stuff can cut through stress like hot knife through butter. When I was unemployed for two months and had my mother-in-law go hysterical on me, then I went to a batting center and I felt reborn again. Just you and the ball coming your way and you swing your mighty iron bat at the ball. Feels good, man.

 

Please Don’t Do The Groping in Japan #4

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So JR East has come out with the new poster for the anti-groping campaign complete with a video that runs in the stations (at least in Shinjuku station) and in trains.

I really like the composition of this one, as the girl miffedly says that there’s a groper bothering her and she takes like half the poster space. Powerful pose. The woman cop is ready to kick some ass and the passengers say the same stuff like the rest of the posters. Afro guy says “What, a groper?!” and the girl says “I won’t forgive!”
I like the man’s hysterical reaction though – “IT’S A CRIMINAL!!!”

Now the perspective itself leaves a question – the guy asks the girl what’s wrong and she looks over her shoulder and exclaims that there’s a pervert groping her. Now how could the guy see the girl’s pained expression and completely not notice the sleazebag grabbing her ass?

Please don’t grope in Japan! Allegedly people can’t even park their bikes sometimes without somebody grabbing their asses or take a walk in the park in residential areas. IDK I’d blame lack of sex ed, lack of social skill teaching and ridiculous Japanese porn/anime-starring-middle-schoolers for this problem.

Jindai Botanical Garden in Mitaka, it’s HUGE!! Also there’s a samurai village downhill.

Before we begin our lighthearted entertainment content, we have to talk about abusing science for profit. These people, all these “mystics” and salt-blowers and anti-vaxxers, they aren’t trying to align your chakras or save your precious little soul from damnation. No, dear reader, the only thing they are saving you is from the burden of your hard-earned money!

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That’s right. You are reading it right – the molecules of this rose water (that I bought in the Jindai botanical gardens) have been sized down. Let me repeat once again: the H2O molecules have been sized down by the power of science. What a feat! Surely these people have mastered quantum physics so we could enjoy sized down water for reasons!

Or they just wrote whatever the fuck they wanted so people would lap it all up. This anti-intellectual trend combined with realpolitik is really driving us downhill and will spell the doom to us all. Look at Trump, the world’s lowest hanging fruit and butt of all jokes these days, this is the guy who has mastered the art of the deal, and while this might work for real estate and whatever, this sure as hell won’t work for actual countries. This is the sort of guy who would take money now even if it would kill him. Pull out of the climate agreement, no problem at all! Estonian politicians as well – fucking cut down ALL the trees will ya and blow dirt into our eyes that we’re actually being green by having 25% of the trees under protection. What about wild-life, huh?? You think all these moose and bears will go silently from the old forest into insuitable young sapling forest? Grr, makes me so mad!! Anyway, the botanical gardens are huge, many beautiful things and next to it is the Jindai-ji temple with the surrounding samurai village. It’s just freaking awesome.

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These nasty little buggers are quite gross ´yet alluring as well.IMG_20170528_140559

The samurai village had GeGeGe Kitaro official fan shop!! Real cool stuff.

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This guy shared ariheito, which he repeated that this candy was first tasted by Oda Nobunaga, the famous warlord and first shogun of Japan. He also said don’t mess with ariheito (舐めんないで!) all the time, so don’t fuck with this candy all right. P1200198.JPG

And this is the village itself. It spas about 300 meters in all directions, so it’s a bit small, but a great extra for your botanical garden trip.

Takao-zan

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I had some friends over from Estonia and since they are active people, they suggested to go and climb Takao-zan at the end of Chuo line. Of course I agreed. I love mountains. My wife on the other hand has never done sports or anything and she gets tired quickly, so she had some reservations. We agreed to walk slowly and take as many conveniences as we can. Like this ropeway.

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It was nervewrecking experience, as you just sit there and hope the wind won’t rock you too hard, but once you get past the idea of falling then you can enjoy the ride. At some points the floor came too close to my feet, so I had to do some crunches.P1190707

The way to the top was beautiful and since we took the route with the ropeway, then the shortest route took us past the monkey garden and temples. The monkey garden gave me some serious Planet of the Apes vibes as you see these apes and you know that nothing has really changed. P1190729

Like look at this Diogenes. Is this what we could’ve been a millennia ago? P1190789

The route we took was peppered with all sorts of holy and sacred things. Like this tree that looks like an octopus. P1190849

Temples! So many temples all the way to the top! P1190846.JPG

Shrines! With foxes! P1190863

And finally the top itself. Man, think, so many mountains and what secrets these rolling hills hide. If you happen to be in a mood for a walk, then Takao-zan is the place to go.